Wedding Bells and Death Knells (We're Not Dead Yet Club Book 2) Read online

  Wedding Bells and Death Knells

  by

  Constance Barker

  Copyright 2017 Constance Barker

  All rights reserved.

  Similarities to real people, places or events are purely coincidental.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

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  Chapter One – Champagne and Friendship

  “I can’t find it, Clara!”

  There was a note of panic in Hazel’s voice as she fiddled with the device in her hand. I had never been a fan of these new smart phones, but Hazel – as impetuous as ever – couldn’t wait to get hold of one for herself. I blame Cecil personally. Ever since he showed up at the Senior Center with the latest model, showing off how hip and down with the kids he was, Hazel was fascinated by it. She’d only had it for two days and she’d already broken it.

  Just typical really.

  “Does it really matter?” I asked, smiling back at my friend before breathing in the fresh, warm air around us. “I think they’re horrible things.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with progress, Clara dear.”

  “Progress, no. But those things are just soul sucking. How often do you see youngsters walking down the street with their eyes glued to the screen? Or people sitting in the coffee shop, tapping their screens instead of actually talking to each other. It’s not natural. I mean, look at this place…”

  Hazel tore her eyes away from the screen to join me in admiring the view. All around us, the rolling country hills towered up towards the sky, putting us effectively in the center of a luscious green bowl of nature. The sun breathed delicately on our skin, the cows frolicked in the next field, and a pair of wood ducks splashed playfully in a nearby lake. The country church stood basking in the sunlight while the grass and trees around it gently swayed in the soft breeze.

  “This place is paradise,” I whispered.

  “It certainly is,” Hazel replied. “So, what’s the problem?”

  “Look at the people.”

  It took Hazel a long time to notice it – perhaps it’s because she didn’t see anything unusual about it all. When she finally realized what I was talking about, she playfully slapped me on the shoulder and chuckled:

  “Clara, stop being such a spoil-sport. People can do what they want, can’t they?”

  “This is a wedding, Hazel – a solemn day when two people are bound together for the rest of their lives…”

  “I doubt it. Remember, one of them is related to Ida May…”

  I ignored the quip.

  “It’s meant to be a celebration. And look at them all. Everyone is staring down at their stupid little black and silver boxes. It’s maddening.”

  Hazel shrugged. “I suppose you’re right. It does seem a little stupid…”

  “Thank you,” I replied, slapping my hand hard on my thigh.

  “I mean there’s no signal here at all…”

  We might have spent the whole afternoon arguing about this were it not for the rather timely appearance of a tall, young man, dressed in a light grey three-piece suit with a purple cravat around his collar. His blue eyes sparkled in the light of the clear day and, as he drew nearer, I could swear that I detected the faint smell of lemongrass.

  “Good afternoon, ladies,” he announced. “I’m Hector – one of the groomsmen today.”

  “Oh?” Hazel replied. “Why? Are there several weddings today?”

  Hector looked a little taken aback for a second, but his mouth soon curled up into a smile and he let out the loudest, hearty laugh I have ever heard in my life. As he chuckled, Hazel’s wide eyes swooped over to meet mine and I read in her face the enthusiastic, but very much confused, thoughts that had swam into her mind.

  “You are a very funny lady, Mrs…?”

  “Oh you can call me Hazel,” she replied, giving a small curtsey. “And this is my friend, Clara.”

  “Pleased to meet you both,” Hector replied, nodding to each of us. “And are you with the bride or the groom?”

  “Neither.”

  Hector burst out into laughter again. He pointed a finger towards Hazel as he tried to steady his breathing.

  “This girl. You should be a comedian…”

  Even by Hazel’s standards, he was over acting. Although I suppose, as one of the groomsman, it was his job to make sure everyone felt comfortable. As for me, his insincere flattery made me feel decidedly ill at ease.

  “She’s quite serious,” I explained, trying to ignore the bluntness in my own voice. “We don’t know the bride or groom.”

  “Oh.” The façade vanished instantly. “Do you mind me asking why you’re here then?”

  “Our friend is Jeremy’s aunt…”

  A sudden expression of understanding flitted across Hector’s face.

  “Oh? You’re friends of Ida May?”

  “That’s right,” Hazel replied proudly.

  “The amateur detectives?” he continued, his jaw dropping open. “You helped Ida May solve that weird case with the body in the well! Everyone here knows all about that…”

  “We helped Ida May…?”

  Hazel looked like she was about to launch at him. Ida May had never really given her the credit she deserved for finding the evidence that put Thomas Landsborough away for the twenty-year-old murder. Hearing now that she’d been taking credit for it was just one more insult to an already injured ego. I – for one – was not surprised. If Ida May was known for anything, it was embellishing stories.

  “Yes,” I replied quickly. “That was us.”

  “Well,” Hector replied, beaming at the two of us. “I must say I am truly honored to meet you both.” He turned quickly to look over his shoulder before calling out. “Hey, Ryan. Come over here.”

  Another man, identically dressed to Hector, broke off from conversation with a couple of the other guests and sauntered his way over to Hector. As he moved towards us, the breeze caught his brown hair and made it flutter about his head. With a quick flicker of his hand, he brought his hair under control just as he arrived next to his friend.

  Hector beamed at us and gestured to the new arrival.

  “This is Ryan, the best man,” he explained before gesturing to us. “Ryan, this is Hazel and Clara. These are Ida May’s detective buddies…”

  “Buddies?”

  I held out a hand to shake Ryan’s. “Pleased to meet you, Ryan. You must be excited for today.”

  Ryan shook my hand – bizarrely, I found his hand soft and weak to hold, almost as though the life had been drained out of it. He smiled pleasantly back at me.

  “I guess excited is one word for it,” he replied. “Ida May has regaled us all with your exciting tale. I trust you’re not hoping to find a murderer here?”

  “Why?” Hazel replied instinctively. “Do you know one?”

  I gave her a short, sharp nudge in the ribs. “No, we’re just here to support Ida May and wish the very best to the happy couple.”

  A flicker of something passed over Ryan’s face. Hazel had that effect on people. Ever since the body in the well, she’d been looking out for more crimes to solve.

  “That’s the problem with this hobby,” she’d say. “There’s not enough crime to go around…”

  Only last week, she’d practically accused the owner of a local shop of grave robbery. She claimed she’d se
en him digging in the cemetery and was half way to the police station before Ida May kindly pointed out that the man was an undertaker…

  Whatever thought was in Ryan’s head quickly subsided. “Well, do make yourselves comfortable. We are a small ceremony today, but I think you’ll find everyone quite friendly.”

  “Thank you, Ryan,” I replied.

  “And what is it you both do?”

  I could detect the interrogative note in Hazel’s voice as she spoke. She had now forgotten all about her signal less cellphone and was now staring at the two groomsmen with a look of suspicion and expectation.

  Hector answered first.

  “Well, I’m a chemist – of sorts. I work in marketing for a chemical company upstate.”

  “And I’m a marine biologist,” Ryan said.

  “A marine biologist?” Hazel repeated. “I didn’t think the armed forces had much regard for science.”

  I could’ve buried my head in my hands were it not for the sudden explosion of laughter from Hector.

  “Seriously, this girl is just funny. Don’t you think, Ryan?”

  “Hysterical…”

  Ryan obviously didn’t see the funny side.

  I was about to explain to Hazel what a marine biologist was when an all-too familiar voice sounded out from amongst the crowd.

  “Clara. Hazel.”

  We turned just as Cecil emerged from amongst a group of guests, dressed in a tuxedo that looked as though it was being worn straight out of the shop. Following behind, and looking rather awkward in the circumstances, was Jasper, dressed in a black suit that looked like it had seen better days.

  “Cecil,” I replied. “What on earth are you doing here?”

  “Jasper here is a friend of Jeremy’s,” the old man replied. “I’m his plus one…”

  “Good afternoon, ladies,” Jasper greeted us.

  “Ah, Jasper, now I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” Hazel said, immediately lurching forward and taking him by the arm. “There is a man who lives near the Senior Center who looks decidedly suspicious…”

  “Yes, well you know that isn’t a crime, Hazel…”

  “I know, but there’s something about him. His eyes are too close together…”

  She quickly led him away, prompting a small chuckle from Cecil. “Looks like my boy has a fan.”

  “Not so much a fan, as a wannabe,” I replied, as we turned back towards Hector and Ryan.

  “Well,” announced Hector, “I, for one, think it’s good what you’re doing. The police are always so tied down by the rules – it’s nice to know there are citizens out there who are willing to go the extra mile to help out their community. Don’t you think, Ryan?”

  “As long as it doesn’t ruin the real investigation,” Ryan replied, quietly. “You hear all the time about how vigilantes are getting cases thrown out of court.”

  “I assure you, we are not vigilantes, Ryan,” I replied.

  Ryan gave me a short, sweet smile. “No offence meant, ma’am.” He then turned to look behind him. “Speaking of going the extra mile, I need to grab something from the car. I have a surprise for Jeremy…”

  “Oh, allow me,” replied Cecil, straightening himself up a little. “Anything to be useful. What would you like me to fetch?”

  Ryan’s eyes flickered slightly. “There really is no bother…”

  “No bother at all,” Cecil replied, his eyes urgently flickering to a point behind my shoulder. “I’ve gate-crashed the party. The least I can do is be useful.”

  His eyes flickered over my shoulder once again. Ryan considered him for a moment, before slowly nodding his head.

  “Very well,” he replied. “There’s a bottle of champagne and two glasses in my car. It’s the red corvette…”

  “Champagne. Red corvette. Got it.”

  With that, Cecil bounded away in the direction of the parking lot. Hector watched him for a moment, with a sly smile on his face.

  “I wonder what got him so riled up.”

  A moment later, I found the answer as Percy, dressed in his immaculate suit with a bright pink bowtie, sidled up beside me.

  “Clara,” he announced. “How lovely to see you.”

  “Percy,” I responded, trying not to laugh. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

  “Nor I you. Let’s put it down to a happy accident, shall we?”

  “Yes, let’s.”

  I introduced Percy to Hector and Ryan, who both seemed as bemused by Percy’s choice of color as I was. After telling them both what he did and asking them about their respective careers, he turned to me and asked:

  “Was that Cecil I saw running off just now?”

  “Um,” I hesitated. “Yes, it was.”

  “That man is trying his best to avoid me. Just because I offered to write his will for him.”

  “I think you practically knocked down his door to offer it, didn’t you?”

  “Yes,” Percy replied, apparently not seeing the problem with this. “Well, a man has to make provisions for his family. Imagine what Jasper would do if Cecil suddenly dropped dead…”

  I laughed. “But, Percy, Cecil told me he had a will made up years ago…”

  “All the more reason to pay for a new one,” Percy replied, confidently. “Times change, Clara. Cecil has to be sure his wishes are honored…”

  “And you need to make sure you still have business.”

  There was a short sparkle of mischief in Percy’s eye.

  “Well, retirement isn’t cheap, is it?”

  A few minutes later, Cecil returned with a large champagne bottle and two glasses. He handed them over to Ryan who immediately began to pour the contents into the two glasses before turning around to try to spot the groom. As he did so, Percy seemed to spot the drinks and moved forward to take one…

  “Thank you, old sport…”

  “Percy, you idiot,” Cecil fired, stepping forward and taking the glass from him. “Ryan here has got this as a present for the groom, not for some over dressed pompous ass like you to have…”

  “Speak for yourself in your tuxedo,” Percy replied, allowing Cecil to take the glass from him. “Do you know, for a man normally clad in leathers, you actually look closer to a human being than ever before…”

  “Well, at least I don’t look like you…”

  I could barely control my laughter. Hector certainly couldn’t. As for Ryan, he stared, wide-eyed and open mouthed as Cecil gestured wildly, threatening to throw the contents of the glass all over the floor. He stepped forward and raised his own glass up, while making eye contact with Cecil.

  “Do you mind?”

  Cecil paused, looked at the glass in Ryan’s hand, looked at the one in his own and replied: “Of course not, dear boy.”

  Then, without a thought, he reached forward and took the glass out of Ryan’s hand and continued to argue with Cecil as he sloshed the two around.

  “No,” called out Ryan, his voice filled with panic. “I need those glasses.”

  Cecil paused, his face frowning as he looked at the best man. It took him a moment or two before, finally, he realized his mistake. Handing each glass over one at a time, he apologized profusely for the mistake and waited until Ryan had headed off in the direction of the groom before renewing his attack on Percy’s clothing.

  Hector and I decided to leave them to it. We wandered across the grounds, watching as Ryan made his way happily up to Jeremy, who was deep in conversation with Ida May. I watched as the young man’s face lit up at the sight of the champagne and the two men took large gulps of the fizzing, pale-yellow liquid.

  I turned to Hector and smiled.

  “It’s nice to see two young people staying friends for so long,” I remarked. “In my day, you moved away and never saw the people you grew up with again.”

  Hector chuckled. “It’s a sign of the times, Clara. Those two have known each other for years. And they’ve both known Hayley that long as well.”

  “Hayley?”


  “The bride,” he explained. “The three of them have known each other since childhood. Absolutely nothing could separate them. God knows I’ve tried.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “You tried to swoop Hayley off her feet?”

  Hector blushed. “Yes, when she and Jeremy weren't dating. Guess I wasn't her Prince Charming however.”

  No sooner had he said it, his face fell and a look of panic swept across his expression. “I hope that doesn’t upset you at all?”

  I laughed, looped my arm through his and began to move back towards the church. “Hector, the heart wants what the heart wants. You just have to make sure your both on the same page.”

  Chapter Two – A Good Man Dies

  It is customary for the bride to be late for the wedding – and this wedding was no exception. We were shepherded into the church at about two o’clock, where Hazel and I finally managed to wrench Ida May from her excited nephew and took our seats a few rows back. For the wedding Ida May had switched her hair to a more normal color of red. Well, at least normal for her. There we sat for a good half an hour, waiting and watching as the other guests slowly filed in and took their seats around the church.

  Then came that awkward wait. You know what I mean – that period when the Minister appears at the front of the church and exchanges a few words with the groom and the whole room falls silent, expecting the bride to appear at any moment. After five minutes of this, the silence was broken by Cecil who, turning to Jasper, whispered rather loudly:

  “I don’t suppose she’s run off with the best man, eh?”

  “Don’t be stupid, Dad.”

  Most of those inside the church, including Jeremy, burst out into laughter and in that instant the awkwardness subsided and the room was once again filled with the murmurs and joviality that you might expect from a wedding.

  A few moments later, I felt Hazel lean in close to me as she brought her lips to my ear.

  “Cecil has a point you know,” she said. “Where is Ryan?”

  Until that exact moment, I hadn’t even noticed. With all the weight of expectation and attention firmly focused on Jeremy, it had completely escaped my notice that the best man was absent. I glanced around briefly, examining everyone behind us. Hector was still at his position near the back of the church, chatting happily with a middle-aged lady, but Ryan was nowhere to be seen. Now that I thought about it, even Jeremy looked put out by his best man’s absence.