Peppermint Pandemonium: A Cozy Mystery (Sweet Home Mystery Series Book 5)

  Peppermint

  Pandemonium

  by

  Constance Barker

  Copyright 2015 Constance Barker

  All rights reserved.

  Similarities to real people, places or events are purely coincidental.

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  Chapter One

  “Under the ‘O,’ sixty-six. ‘O’…sixty-six.”

  The dulcet baritone vibrations of Harvey Davis’s voice rang out in the basement of the Methodist Church. It was his fourth week as the anointed Bingo caller for seniors’ Tuesday Night Bingo, and it seemed that Harvey was totally believing the grapevine of old-school social media (that is, the gossip) that he was the toast of the town and the senior citizen version of Elvis in his hey day. The old widows did seem to be fawning over him, but Harvey, of course, had eyes only for his cat, Miss Pickles – although he seemed to enjoy the company of my dear (and irascible) Aunt Essie too.

  Since no one under 60 was allowed inside, Essie was broadcasting it on Harvey’s iPad mini to Eli and me on my new iPhone back at the Coffee Cabana, the neighborly coffee shop that I ran with my aunts, Essie and Hildie. Officer Eli Davis was the chief detective of Sweet Home and Harvey’s son. It was still an hour from closing time, but nobody was coming in for coffee at the moment. Still, it was kind of nice to have a little “alone time” with my guy.

  “Your Dad’s a regular Howard Cosell, Eli,” I said with a devilish grin, trying to see if I could get his goat.

  But Eli wasn’t biting. Instead, he joined in with my good-natured kidding about his father.

  “No, not Cosell…More like Larry the Cable Guy with a touch of the AFLAC duck,” he said with a sparkle in his eye.

  We laughed and I put my hand on his. His comeback was a lot better than my tease, and his ability to relax enough to let his humor come out was really refreshing – and a little sexy too. Fortunately, it had been a few weeks since there were any big police cases for him to worry about as head detective of the Sweet Home PD.

  He put his other hand on top of mine and looked at me with a reflective expression. “Are you getting better-looking, Lily Parker?”

  Actually, I was. I had decided to make a pre-emptive strike against holiday weight gain, and, with Thanksgiving already behind us, I was down five pounds. But I couldn’t tell him that.

  “Maybe you’re just getting older and more desperate, Eli Davis.”

  He slid his chair a little closer, and – completely out of character for my guy when he’s in a public place – he put his arm around me. Well…we were the only ones in my coffee shop.

  “Desperate? Me? Well, let’s see…there’s Monica Peale, who’s always batting her eyelashes at me at the supermarket, and Wendy Stark at the bank who always puts her phone number on my deposit receipts, and…”

  “Okay…okay! Yes, I am getting prettier. And you are getting younger and more handsome too.”

  “Under the ‘B’ thirteen. ‘B’ …thirteen.”

  “Oh…look at this, Lily!” It was Essie talking into the camera now, and then she aimed the iPad at her Bingo card. “All I need is N-37, and I’ll have a Bingo across the top!”

  “Good luck, Essie.”

  “You two lovebirds stop your giggling and eye-gazing now and watch me win!”

  Eli’s cheeks got a little red, and we obeyed the lady.

  “I’ve only needed one number for the last three turns,” my Aunt Hildie added very nonchalantly.

  “Shhh! He’s going to call the number…”

  “Under the ‘B,’ one. ‘B’…”

  “Bingo! Bingo! Oh, my…I’ve got a Bingo!”

  It wasn’t Essie or Hildie, but some excited woman had a Bingo.

  “Hold your cards everybody. A Bingo has been called, and we have to verify it.”

  “Oh…do four corners count? I certainly hope so,” the excited lady hollered out.

  “Yes, ma’am,” Harvey answered from his perch on the stage. “Toe, read me her numbers, and let’s see if it’s a Bingo.”

  “Your Dad really is doing a great job, Eli.”

  “He is, isn’t he?”

  “Auntie Essie, can you point the camera at the lady who won? Who is she?”

  I got a little dizzy from the unsteady movement of the camera as Essie tried to aim at the winner, right up in the front row. She finally settled the lens on a young-looking senior lady with blonde hair in the cutest ponytail.

  “Wow.” I tried to get a glimpse of her face when she turned her head. “She’s probably had that same hairstyle since high school – and she could probably still wear the same dress she graduated in too.”

  “I can still wear my graduation gown, I think,” Eli said with a smirk.

  “Yeah, I hope so.” He was a little thicker, 18 years after graduation, but he was doing pretty well. “You could probably get three people into one of those things.”

  I had gained a pound a year since my graduation 15 years ago – at least that’s my story now that I’m down five pounds from my normal “plus 20.” It doesn’t sound as bad when I break it down to one pound a year.

  We heard someone coming in through the back room. With Essie and Hildie at Bingo, that meant it could only be one person.

  “Merry Christmas, Lily and Eli.”

  It was my best friend in the world, Jules Ledger.

  “Oh, please, don’t start with that holiday stuff already, Jules,” I complained.

  “Already? I’ve been loaded up with holiday decorations next door since the day after Halloween, so the spirit is all around me all the time…Lily McScrooge.” She set a good-sized cardboard box on the counter and put her fists on her hips.

  “Merry Christmas,” I sighed and then looked back at the image of the lady on my phone. Jules ran the town’s little weekly newspaper out of the back of shop next door and sold holiday decorations, party supplies, and office supplies in the front. “Who is that, Essie? Do you know her?”

  “Not a clue, Lily. She sure had a nice big hug for Harvey when she ran up on stage to pick out her prize, though.”

  “A little too long for a friendly hug, if you ask me,” Auntie Hildie added.

  Hmmm…seemed like the old girl might be feeling a pang of jealousy. Hildie had never married, and Harvey had been widowed for quite a few years now. They seemed to be hitting it off and growing kind of close at the coffee shop, and they would go out for a night on the town once in a while too.

  Jules leaned in and took a look. “That blonde ponytail could only belong to one woman – it’s Cora Applegate, a transplant from Kissimmee. She worked in the dentist’s office with me for a while last year and then jumped ship to run Sandy Dawson’s office when she moved her veterinary clinic to Sweet Home from Sabina. Turns out she has a degree in veterinary science and animal nutrition. I guess with the retirement village and a lot of older residents in our little town, the cat population here is way up there, so it made sense for Dr. Dawson to move from a big town to a small one.”

  “Hmmm…” Eli rubbed his chin with feigned interest. “A lady doctor right here in town, huh? About your age, Jules?”

  I glared at Eli, one of the few eligible bachelors in our little town, as he continued his game.

  “30 or 35, maybe?” he asked.

  “I’d say so, yeah, not to mention single, brilliant, and gorgeous.” Jules answered. “And she’s running a coupon in tomorrow’s paper for $10 off a health check-
up for cats plus a free half-pound bag of her special ‘Healthy Cat’ kibble. She formulated it herself, and they make right here in town. You should bring Miss Pickles in.”

  “Your dad should bring Miss Pickles in, since she’s his cat.” This wasn’t as funny any more.

  “You’re right, as always, Lily.” He gave me a wink and a kiss on the forehead. “I’ll clip the coupon and tell Dad to bring his best girl in for a physical. Miss Pickles is getting a little older.”

  “And a little meaner,” I added.

  “Only around the ladies, Lily. She still likes us men just fine.”

  That was true. “Have you seen enough of this exciting Bingo game yet, Eli? I’m going to shut it off before my battery dies.”

  “I’ve seen what I wanted to see, yeah. Dad is over his jitters and seems to be having a lot of fun.”

  He sure was. “Auntie? Essie or Hildie, are you there?”

  “Ooh, look at over there, Essie,” I could hear Hildie say. The camera was flat on the table, aimed at the ceiling. “It looks like Mildred Meriwether is getting kind of flirty with Toe Thompson, holding onto his arm and giving him the hairy eyeball.”

  Toe was a lifelong bachelor and the town’s favorite handyman – not to mention Aunt Essie’s part-time crush and frequent partner for dinner and an old movie at the Bijou. The classic old theater showed 1940s musicals and film noir movies five nights a week.

  I heard a low guttural growl from Essie, like a watchdog giving fair warning to a would-be intruder.

  “Toe has been turning down that woman’s advances since high school, but it seems she’s just too dense to learn. Oh, my…now Mildred’s cohort, Gladys Gulch, is hugging Toe like her life depends on it. Have they no shame?” Essie was not happy, but had no claim on Toe’s affections. She could if she chose to, but she wasn’t ready for a commitment.

  Essie had been widowed for several years now, and I think she still felt that dating was being unfaithful to her dear departed Joe. But, unlike Hildie, I think she really liked having a man in her life.

  “Well,” I said, “I’ll just leave it on until I can talk to Essie or Hildie. I don’t want to just hang up on them. So, Jules…” She was making herself a cup of tea behind the counter and then joined us at our table. “…is the Gazette all ready to go for tomorrow?”

  “The early edition is already out – Toe brought a bale to the Bingo hall—and Hank’s got the presses rolling with the final edition right now, Lily. There will be a stack on your countertop first thing in the morning.”

  “It must be a thin issue this week, Jules,” Eli said, leaning back in his chair and putting his hands behind his head. “There haven’t been any parades or robberies or wild beasts roaming the streets for a while.”

  “Actually, it’s my biggest issue so far. There’s more to news than police business and parades, Eli.”

  “So what’s your lead story?” I was a little curious myself. “Nothing has happened in town to report.”

  “True, so I’m leading with the Christmas Markets, which are opening this weekend.”

  “Is it time for them already?” Eli swooped his bottle of cranberry lemonade off the table and took a swallow. “That means just three more weekends before Christmas.”

  “Well, since you’re Santa Clause there this weekend, make sure you don’t forget.”

  “Yeah, I’d hate to disappoint all the little waifs and urchins.”

  “Haha. It does kind of look like Charles Dickens’ old London, with the street lamps and the way they decorate it. Oh – and Dr. Dawson will be your Mrs. Santa Claus, so you’ll be meeting her then.”

  Wonderful. Cora Applegate was coming between Harvey and Hildie; Mildred Meriwether was nudging her way between Toe and Essie; and now it seemed that the lovely and talented Dr. Sandra Dawson was going to be my boyfriend’s wife this weekend.

  “Boy, every year it seems like the holidays just sneak up on me more and more,” Eli moaned.

  “That’s because you’re not a kid anymore,” I suggested, “circling items in the Sears and Roebuck catalogue and eagerly waiting for your Erector Set and roller skates.”

  “I was more the BB gun and golf club type.”

  “Figures. You were never a kid at all, I guess.”

  “Well, I did ask for a light saber when I was younger…and, even though I was in high school at the time, I had to have a Buzz Lightyear too. Still have him, in the box.”

  “Well, you were still focused on weapons of mass destruction, it seems, but with a playful hint of fantasy. So, I guess you were a kid…of sorts. And, let me guess, Jules…you collected every Barbie Doll ever made, had an Easy Bake Oven, and a pink Big Wheel.”

  “Close, Lily. But I only had 16 Barbies. And no Big Wheel. I always asked for artists’ sketchpads, markers, glitter glue, pastels…you know.”

  “Of course. I should have known. So, how did you fill up your newspaper with the Christmas Markets?”

  “Lily – it’s the biggest time of the year for retailers. I got ads from just about every shop in the Outlet Mall in Sabina and pretty much every store in the area.”

  “That’s great, Jules. Maybe I can get some ideas for my Christmas shopping.”

  “…Which you never do until the last minute,” Jules correctly noted. “You should start soon this year. I’m already done with mine, except for a few little stocking stuffers. How about you, Eli? Are you an early shopper?”

  He laughed. “I’m not much of a shopper at all. A subscription to Popular Mechanics and a ball of yarn…and I’ll be done.”

  “Aren’t you forgetting somebody, Eli?” Jules leaned in and stared at him menacingly. “That will take care of your dad and Miss Pickles…but what about your charming princess? You have to give her something that will make her feel special.”

  “”You’re right. Lily, I’m going to give you a ride in my squad car, and I’ll let you flash the lights and sound the siren!”

  Actually, I’d kind of like that, but I couldn’t let him get off that easy. “Well, you don’t have to go all out like that, Eli,” I mocked.

  “What would be your real Christmas wish, sweetheart? What would the little girl inside of Lily Parker want for Christmas?”

  “Ha! I would like a trip to the North Pole and a ride on a flying reindeer! Think you can arrange that for me? I’ve always wanted a real White Christmas like in the movies. I still remember the year we visited Dad’s brother, my Uncle Doug and Aunt Connie in Ohio for Christmas when I was five. It was magical.”

  “That might be a tough one…”

  “But I’d settle for a nice weekend at a B&B, no phones allowed. How about you, Eli? What would you like?”

  “A nice neck rub and a kiss, and maybe…”

  “Lily, are you still there?”

  Essie’s distinctive voice came out of my phone. I’d forgotten all about the Bingo game.

  “Yes, Essie. What’s up?”

  “Get ready for a rush at the Coffee Cabana when Bingo is over. Harvey gave us a plug, since we’re going to be sharing the church’s big dining hall at the Christmas Markets. And they’ve all got their coupons for dollar-off peppermint mocha lattes.”

  “Wh…wh…wha…? Coupon? Peppermint lattes?” This had to be the work of my dear friend. “Jules!”

  She smiled and flitted to the counter, where she had set a box down when she came in. I thought it was probably Christmas decorations, but it wasn’t. She pulled out a couple bottles of peppermint syrup and three squeeze bottle of chocolate syrup.

  “Gotcha covered Lily…and…”

  She reached back into the box and pulled out a box of miniature candy canes to garnish the drinks. Now all I needed was the energy to face the crowd that was coming.

  “What – no marshmallows?” I teased.

  I should have known. She pulled a bag of red and white mini-marshmallows out of her magical box – followed by a cute little Styrofoam snowman with a black top hat and a carrot nose, which she set on the b
ack bar by the coffeemaker.

  “And, yes, Lily.” She smiled and came back to the table to give me a hug. “I will stay and make the beverages while you work the floor.”

  Eli whispered in my ear. “She’s one in a million, Lily.”

  Yes she was. She was that rare girl who was pretty, smart, sweet, loyal, and hard working. Oh…and thin. If I didn’t love her so much I’d probably hate her.

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  Chapter Two

  It sounded like a good idea when Hildie first told me about it, but…this is a lot of work! The Christmas markets would run from 5 p.m. on Fridays until 6 p.m. on Sundays for the last three weekends before Christmas – and it was Friday afternoon!

  “Toe –my coffee supplier should be here with the loaner coffee and espresso machines at 2 o’clock, so please have those water lines ready to hook up!”

  “Yes, Sir! Right away, Sir!” he said mockingly as he slid the mini-fridge from my house off the back of his pickup truck on a two-wheeler hand truck. He rolled it into place behind the pair of 8-foot banquet tables that would serve as our counter. “Anything else, Sergeant Parker?”

  “Yes – drop and give me 20!”

  Toe chuckled in his affable way, but Auntie Essie gave me a disapproving glance as she handed him an ice-cold bottle of mango iced tea and a ham sandwich. She led him to a chair at the makeshift counter.

  “You just relax and take your time, Toe,” she said, still shooting a little glare my way. “This little shindig isn’t worth a heart attack.”

  I rolled my eyes. How come she got to be “good cop” and I had to be “slave-driver cop” today? I mean, it was she and Hildie who arranged this whole deal – or ordeal – with Reverend Miranda Cassidy at the Methodist Church.

  Actually, it was a pretty sweet deal. The Church had a huge permanent structure in Trammell Park in the center of town along the Sassquahatchee Creek. It was a big open pavilion with an enclosed kitchen and was the main dining hall during special events – plus it was their outdoor Bingo hall. We would provide the beverages and desserts, and Sal’s Diner would provide the meals. The Methodist Church would supply volunteers to serve the guests and let us use their beautiful facility in return for a percentage of the gross. We could make a small profit and help out a charitable cause too.